Interview Recap – Victim

During the interview I conducted with Ms. Dora Amanda, a victim of harmful gender stereotyping, I asked her these questions:

1. Have you ever been discriminated due to gender?
2. In what ways have the experience shape you?
3. Did said experience motivates you to be better or did it traumatize you instead?
4. A lot of women have been stereotyped by others: women being weak, sexual objects, incapable, etc. Do you think any of the stereotypes are true? If so, why?
5. If you were to experience it again, what would you say or do to the person who mistreated you?
6. Is there any way that we can change people’s minds about these stereotypes?

Findings:

1. Have you ever been discriminated against due to your gender?

It mostly comes from my dad, family-wise at least. However, I do feel that in Indonesian marital life, the husband is always allowed to cheat on the wife as it is within a man’s nature to have a strong libido (sex drive); that’s why women have to tolerate them cheating, which just doesn’t sit right. When women are pitted in such a lose-lose game, the least you could do is to cut your losses and not get too attached to your partner in the first place. Still, despite everything, cheating is an inexcusable act that should be avoided in the first place.

2. In what ways have the experience shaped you?

it gave me a stronger determination to prove myself for sure. It’s wrong in general to have gender discrimination, but you have to admit that everyone is fighting off discrimination in every aspect, and not everyone is going to change their mind (especially in a close minded country like Indonesia) in this time and age right away. But I feel like by starting from ourselves, we can slowly change other people’s points of view because the small seed we can plant now will have a bigger impact in the future. People, in general, want to see proof of a social issue, and while some of them might be dismissive of it, it falls to us to never shut up about it. In a way, being discriminated against has given me more independence and motivated me to prove them wrong. 

3. Did said experience motivates you to be better or did it traumatize you instead?

While it did motivate me to be a better person than I think I would be otherwise, it still is an unpleasant experience that, I have to admit, left quite a scar in me. The way gender norms are wrapped in my head is a bit traumatising to say the least. Having told to believe that me, as a woman, won’t have a partner because of a certain part in my appearance, or being told that being born as a woman, I am an ascribed crybaby. But on the other side, I acknowledge how hard things probably are for the boys of my age who are similarly being told that they have to be mundanely masculine, lest they are stereotyped as gay, or that they couldn’t cry. And that was just about cis people, I have good reasons to believe that people of different sexual orientations are having it even worse! It’s a hard and pointless standard, I wouldn’t wish on such experience to anyone else if possible

4. If you were to experience it again, what would you say or do to the person who mistreated you?

If it comes to my dad, I would probably say none. He’s not old-fashioned but he has his own opinions on certain things, and he would stand by his opinion. He would still listen to other’s opinion and process it as far as he goes, but it’s unlikely that he will accept my opinion. When it comes to other people though, I will definitely voice my displeasure at them. 

5. Is there any way that we can change people’s minds about these stereotypes?

Actually, there is no way to change someone’s view about something unless they experience it themselves. For example, we can talk to atheists and preach about Buddhism, Christianity, etc. but if they don’t experience it themselves, they would simply just refuse to believe in it. I recently watched a documentary on YouTube about birth defects on Pakistani UK people who are a result of first-cousins incest marriage. In that documentary, there is a scene in which one person was presented with facts about the birth defect rates and how it affects children; yet, he kept on denying it as his children do not have any defects. This is proof that we cannot change anyone’s views no matter how much fact we laid out onto them. 

6. A lot of women have been stereotyped by others: women being weak, sexual objects, incapable, etc. Do you think any of the stereotypes are true? If so, why?

I think the only true stereotype about women is women being weaker in regard to the physical aspect. But that doesn’t mean that all women are weaker than men, just that they are physiologically different to a point where it is hard to conclude a fair fight out of the two. For example, in sports, women and men are not allowed to compete against each other, and when they do it’s in pairs. 

7. What about stereotypes regarding men?

Not really, I see men and women as equal. If a man wants to be a financial supporter of the family, regardless of their partner being a husband or a wife, it doesn’t mean that he has to be the only financial supporter while the other only does housework. It really depends on the household’s choice, just remember that your partner also needs to have a say.